“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations”
Due to a history of normalizing harmful behaviors, trauma survivors may find it difficult to recognize red flags in possible dating partners. In addition, understanding important red flags signals might assist prevent connection to a potentially problematic partner.
Trauma survivors can be empowered to find the love they deserve by recognizing red flags and breaking away early on.
Bashing their ex-partner
Things happen; hearts are broken, and resentment builds.
When you meet someone new, it is normal for them to talk about other people in a sarcastic way on their first date with you. Because of their lack of regard for those in their lives, says volumes about their integrity. Watch how prior partners address their problems and issues in the right way and at the right time.
To remain on the safe side, always keep in mind that anything is possible.
So let’s talk about you…
Everyone’s communication comfort level varies. If they are new to dating or social situations, show them how. Do they chat to fill time? When you intervene, do they let you speak, or do they seem uninterested?
Talking just about themselves suggests they cannot give you enough attention.
Making decisions without your consent
They will not compromise or listen to you? All partnerships need compromise, and communication bridges various views and goals. The same goes for sexual intimacy or living together. There is no fixed schedule for intimacy or moving in together, but watch for requests they appear to think you cannot refuse.
This is a boundary breach. Any change in relationship status or growth should be discussed openly.
Pay attention to their sense of entitlement
Are they rude to waiters and valets? How someone interacts with the staff might reveal their personality. Those who view themselves as superior to the rest of us have easy prey. How someone treats others and you reveal their sincerity. Watch how they handle customers, employees, and even the animals.
Malcolm S. Forbes once said,
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
Feeling uncomfortable about or around them
To cope with trauma, survivors, particularly those who have a family history of trauma, have learned to ignore or even deny their own reality. Having learned as children that those who are meant to love them will mistreat and abuse them, they may carry that belief into adult dating.
How do you feel when you are around this person? Anxious? On edge? Unseen? That will say a lot.
If things seem too good to be true, they generally are. Anyone claiming to be flawless is a red sign!
Keep track of how much time you spend attempting to figure out what someone is trying to hide from you. When you find yourself stating, “that makes no sense,” believe that sentiment.